Today I loaned our local high school some outdoor furniture.  But before I drove down there, I had to think up something to dazzle the student body.  Unfortunately, I was only able to dazzle the female half of the student body, because the high school was still crawling with students 3 hours after school got out.  Thus, I wasn’t able to sneak into the boys bathroom to post this awesome sticker:

Clip Art Razors, sooo trendy omg

On the way out of my dentist’s office last week, I noticed this awesome passive agressive sign, complete with inappropriate quotation marks:

Of course, I was totally impressed with it, but felt it could use some improvements.  Here’s my rendition of a scarier sign, carefully thought out in Comic Sans:

In one brief sign, I insulted the paper thief, the local police, and Jesus!  Aren’t I talented?  Yes, I know Jesus wasn’t “prosecuted,” but I threw that in merely in order to add authenticity, posing as the retard that thought posting a sign would keep their precious paper on the walkway.   Sure, I know it was torn down by the first silly Christian that was deeply offended.  But, offending that ONE person sure makes me happy as hell.  (OMG HOW PUNNY)

(P.S. – You can thank Brad for the huge ass size of the second sign, since he decided to deride me for my shitty cell phone camera pics; he said something about how they’re not “good enough” for his website and he’d take away all my priviliges if I tried that shit again.  He’s a total snob.)

I’ve decided to hijack Brad’s signhacker.com since I love it so much and it’s the best idea he’s ever had.  In fact, I wish it was my idea.  In addition, since I’ve recently obtained such a hard on for sign hackery and general obnoxious mayhem, you can expect to see lots of stupid posts from me.  Keep the eye rolling to a minimum.

Today I was in a Christian coffee shop — the kind with lots of bible verses beautifully framed on the wall and little notes like “Thanks for your tips!  God Bless!”  While I was there, a gang of sheriff deputies came in and sat down.  Of course they made me nervous, because when I’m not wowing police officers everywhere, I’m usually doing things they’d at the very minimum write me a ticket for.  I got out of there as fast as I could, but not before committing the stupidest of crimes: mindless vandalism.

Yesterday my BFF Spessa directed me to an excellent web site about crazy notes people left for each other, many times anonymously. The site at www.passiveaggressivenotes.com and entertained me for nearly an hour. I’m subscribed to their feed now.

Today Spessa, inspired by all the crazy notes, decided that her new mission in life will be to leave crazy notes everywhere she goes, either signing them anonymously or signing them from somebody else. She began her mission this afternoon by placing this note on a counter at the bank.

It says, “BANK CUSTOMERS! STOP STEALING OUR PENS! WE’RE NOT MADE OF MONEY!” This particular idea has so many great potential outcomes, from customers thinking the bank people are a bunch of crybabies over their pens to a manager demanding to know which employee set this sign on the counter. Hopefully Spessa will continue to put out this sign at her bank on a regular basis.

I personally plan to follow in Spessa’s footsteps by placing signs everywhere I visit from now on. We threw around a few crazy ideas today, such as leaving a note in the mens room for men to stop peeing all over the toilet seats and signing it with the name that’s on the restroom cleaning check list that’s on the back of the door. Or maybe sneaking into employee break rooms and leaving a note from the manager stating that no food or drinks are allowed in there anymore. Surely you can come up with better ideas than us. Leave your ideas in the comments. And if you decide to do any of this yourself, please send us pictures.