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The roadsigns in Oregon are a different breed — clearly made in the 80’s with a little handheld box to do the editing. We changed this one on the way to rbcp’s house for his birthday bash. There are a lot of these on Interstate 5 in Oregon. I encourage all Oregonians to get out and make their own messages. I couldn’t fit “Birthday” obviously, so I reverted to the infantile pronounciation.
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Tonight, after a boring evening of getting a meal and checking the mail, Mr. Spessa and I were sitting in the car wondering how to amuse ourselves. One of us decided we should go check a local construction site to see if there were any signs to “modify.” It probably took us 15 minutes to get there, and 10 more minutes to drive through this construction zone. All their signs were permanent and we were incredibly disappointed.
Then we found a scrolling church sign by Galaxy. If anyone has any information on these kinds of signs, please let me know. We broke open a power panel only to find circuit breakers. There seemed to be another panel that we couldn’t get open, where I assume there was a way to edit the sign. So, that didn’t work either. Our night sucked. We were losers at the game of hacking signs. But Mr. Spessa is a very dedicated man, and decided to go to our states Department of Transportation website on his blackberry. OMG it was awesome. It had little flags all over the state warning drivers about where the construction was! YAY! We drove another 15 minutes to where they told us there was something going on, and nothing. As a last ditch effort, we drove down the freeway to something about 15 more miles away. I wish you could have heard us when we saw the sign flashing down the highway. It was like our favorite football team won the Super Bowl (we don’t like football, btw.) OMG OMG GASP GASP YAY. There were two signs on opposites sides of the freeway, about 4 miles away from each other. The thing that sucked was that you had to drive 8 miles to an exit, turn around, and come back to get to the next sign. But, like I mentioned, we’re totally dedicated. So we did it. The first sign we changed was easy enough. It’s the only picture I have. Then we drove up the freeway, and there was a cop who had pulled someone over. I was almost too paranoid to change the second sign. But Mr. Spessa convinced me he was at least 4 minutes behind us, and it only takes 2 minutes to change the sign. So I changed the second sign to say “WE KNOW YOU’RE DRIVING DRUNK.” I couldn’t get a picture of it from where we were, so we got back on the freeway, turned around, made sure our first sign was there, and drove back to the second sign. In those brief moments of driving, the cop had already turned the second sign off, so I don’t have a picture of that one for you. When we got back to the first sign, he was pulled over next to it trying to figure out how to turn it off. I wonder how successful he was, because here it is:
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I finally hacked a sign! It’s about time. As we were driving down the highway, my son and I found these portable road signs. The control panels were unlocked. The password to gain entry to the system was on a post-it note inside the console.
Discerning drivers can decide if the message is ABOUT or DIRECTED TO vampires. Personally, I like to think it’s all about the department of transportation warning an army of vampires about a disturbingly vampire-unfriendly part of the highway. At least now I know the default password for these machines. The first one we found died (I assume it ran out of solar power?) before we grew the balls to go change it. Thankfully, the second one was still running, and although I had a lot of trouble typing everything in total darkness, the home keys on the standard PC keyboard saved our evening! It’s pretty funny to think that tomorrow, no one will know about the boring detour that these signs were warning drivers about prior to my shenanigans. Here’s the inside of the box where you enter the password and wordings.
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In the interest of bi-partisanship, I couldn’t let myself ONLY promote that cute little Obama. Here’s my work on giving people good reasons to vote for McCain.  Oh, the Comparisons!
 Get it? He's OLD
 For Horny Potential Voters
 He IS White, Right? All men (and sexy ladies) created equal!
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Will I really be influential in changing the minds of the voters in my all white, highly racist community? I’ll never know, but I’ll know that I tried!  People WERE worried  I Don't Think He's Tall Enough  I Sure Told THEM  I Heard A Rumor... It’s a great time for black presidental candidates!
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I paid one dollar for the privilige of promoting signhacker.com at the local mini-mart. I’m sure most of our future readers will come from this impeccable ingenuity of mine!
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Mr. Spessa and I spent a while sticking these stickers on personal hygiene items at Wal*Mart. We got busted by some people waiting for their meds at the pharmacy. They scowled and I exclaimed “We’re having fun!” and I think they said something like “FINE.” You’re going to have to click on the pictures if you want to read how awesome and funny we are (in other words - to find out what the stickers actually said.)
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Brad made me buy about 900 dollars worth of blank stickers. He doesn’t have any idea how powerless I am when he recommends that I go on a consumer spending spree. Anyway, out of wild desperation to have things to print on them, I decided I want to support Barack Obama. I don’t vote, and I promise I never will (at least until I am of the required age of 65+.) It’s just that I really like this guy, because he’s pretty good looking.
The one on top says “What a little cutie,” and the bottom one says “Large where it counts.” Sorry, I’m really not accessing the most creative part of my mind at this point, but I’m sure some stupid racist will be pissed, at least. And if I’ve offended at least one person, I’ve done my job, right? So, these are my first two offerings to my community as to why they should choose Obama. I have several more that I’ll be sticking around town over the next few days. I think it would be worthwhile to add some gorgeous clipart to make them more believable. Maybe I’ll work on that. Any suggestions will be appreciated, because I’ve got a limited amount of time to take advantage of the whole “political signs” thing.
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Today I loaned our local high school some outdoor furniture. But before I drove down there, I had to think up something to dazzle the student body. Unfortunately, I was only able to dazzle the female half of the student body, because the high school was still crawling with students 3 hours after school got out. Thus, I wasn’t able to sneak into the boys bathroom to post this awesome sticker:  Clip Art Razors, sooo trendy omg Hopefully I’m saving the janitors some messy biological cleanup.
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On the way out of my dentist’s office last week, I noticed this awesome passive agressive sign, complete with inappropriate quotation marks:   In one brief sign, I insulted the paper thief, the local police, and Jesus! Aren’t I talented? Yes, I know Jesus wasn’t “prosecuted,” but I threw that in merely in order to add authenticity, posing as the retard that thought posting a sign would keep their precious paper on the walkway. Sure, I know it was torn down by the first silly Christian that was deeply offended. But, offending that ONE person sure makes me happy as hell. (OMG HOW PUNNY) (P.S. – You can thank Brad for the huge ass size of the second sign, since he decided to deride me for my shitty cell phone camera pics; he said something about how they’re not “good enough” for his website and he’d take away all my priviliges if I tried that shit again. He’s a total snob.)
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